BA PA BA PA BA BA PA BA BA PA

its been forever

Thu, 31 Jul 2008 05:34:46 GMT

im not sure why i am compelled to journal right now. but i am. a lot. the past two nights have revealed a lot to me about why im in such a weird situation as far as this whole who am i bullshit goes. i know who i am when i am away from this place. however i miss who im not when im in vermont. i really want some sort of happy medium but that is so far from reachable. i know this and have come to accept my fate. last night i was sitting in a room full of coked out girls, a fresh from detox boy, and a couple of other miscellaneous weirdos. i bought weed from one and when i told them i didnt want to smoke or drink that night i was urged into packing a bowl and smoking retards up. breaks need be given here. after the multiple complaints of a single seed being in the bowl i decided to peace. creeepers. i know the only person who will read this is lauren and i like that. but damn its weird being home. love you lauren

Mon, 12 Nov 2007 22:18:55 GMT

im coming down on the 21st but i wont be there til late that night. because instead of taking a 48372045789 dollar flight im hitchhiking a ride from the bofo and then meeting up with the pops. its a 6 hour drive to tyler's sister's house in north jersey and then 2 hours from there to get to the hometown. were leaving at like 430 or 500 so that means if my dad comes to get me on the night of the 21st then ill be home at like 1 or 2 in the morning.. so ill prob be there for thanksgiving. but if not whatever, im hanging out with bitches and i cant wait to see you all. love you hos.

Tue, 23 Oct 2007 03:03:53 GMT

i had a wonderful time being home. wonderful indeed. i think that today will be one of those days that ill remember my entire life. i almost died a lot. or well was seriously injured a lot. on my way home from philly this morning i was crossing a street and this guy in a pickup truck turned in my direction and just kept going, he was looking right at me and i was looking right at him, yet he acted like i didnt even exist. i called him a douche and he yelled "im sorry" in a real asshole-like tone as if i was the bitch for walking.. so then i got a little closer to the speedline station (south and 8th i believe) and i saw this man dressed really nicely and thought about how much of a crackhead i looked with my dirtiness and nasty hair. and he starts to cross the street in his full suit and tie and little mobster hat. and someone does the exact same thing to him. i had my headphones on so i didnt exactly hear what had happened so i took out one of my earbuds. then i noticed how he kind of had a bit of a swagger in his step so i thought oh maybe hes just some old drunk guy yelling at cars.. but then he turned around and started talking about kids and the way they have no respect. (i know it sounds like every miserable old man: "damn kids") but it was true and i had never actually thought about how disrespectful people are. we walked and talked about people and family and jobs and all sorts of things togther until he got to where he was going which happened to be the hospital. there i told him it was nice to meet him and that he had made my day and offered a handshake and he gave me a big hug. i love old people. and i love philly. and i love home. ill see you in a month, but if you cant wait youre super welcome n my house. whenever you like.<3

Fri, 05 Oct 2007 01:06:15 GMT

and i have no idea as to why i did. i think im going crazy. i worked from 3 to 7 and within 4 hours i had about a pund of meat and meat juice on me. ive never been too psycho about my whole i hate meat deal but i went crazy today. i was trying really hard to not make people feel bad for their juces gettin all up in my grill so i was watever at first. but then some dickfucker came up with a bunch of meat so i scanned the shit and stuck it in the bag shit. it was cool. then i pulled my hand out of the bag and there was a big hunk of flesh on my hand. so i was like dfhl;sfgh blahhh ;and got a paper towel and wiped it off and then got some handsani and used it. and the guy fucking laughed at me so i looked at him with straightup hatred in my eyes and he was like why are you going crazy over that still smiling and i was just like.. gimmme yo money bitch. so he gave me his money and like "psh"d at me when he left i wanted to slit his throat. so then meat persisted to get on my hands gay. i was getting progressivly angry and upset all day. then came 7o clock and i was cashing out. i couldnt even see at this point i was shaking like crazy and i just wanted to go home and die. so anyway. i put all the money in the little bag thing you put it in to bring it to the safe.. somehow i didnt notice that the zipper was broken.... the money all fell out. all over the floor and i just wanted to fall down and sleep forever. i didnt though. i picked up the money with joe. he made a joke about a crackhead stealing all of it.. it was funny. i laughed. then i went and punched oiut. and i started ballllling. and i couldnt stop myself from sobbing. it was fucking ridiculous

ill be home in 13 days i love you friends!

here i am; i am the one

Tue, 02 Oct 2007 05:00:25 GMT

man living is a crazy thing.

how come compliments make me uncomfortable, is that normal?? i love being called "prettyface" but why is it such an akward thing man o man o man boys

new glasses. 8)

Mon, 01 Oct 2007 04:30:00 GMT

hayy lj! i missss you. um i just redad fhl34756237854603872 posts and its late and i have to wake up in 6 hours. crap. goodnight i miss everyone alot

Sun, 03 Jun 2007 22:29:01 GMT

its june. schools almost ovah. friday night i spilled grape soda on my med info for vycc. crap. theyre gonna hate me now i was so sad. the envelope was friggen purple.

crap

Fri, 25 May 2007 20:30:50 GMT

im in a stupid mood. proms gay. not going. i wanna get drizzle. but if i do ill be sad. bad news. gahhhhh im going camping tomorro with the pops. that should be nice and time consuming. cool. 40 ish days til peace time

eeek

Fri, 18 May 2007 23:13:34 GMT

i got the sweetest job in the worlld for this summer. it took about 24 hours for my application to be accepted and i am about to pee all over myself. yay to the max.

http://www.vycc.org/about/programs_wilderness.html

check one two. im gettin paid $325 every week to play in the dirt and build bridges and plant trees and filter my own water. i cant wash clothes or say bad words but i dont care im so excited!!!!

stupid

Thu, 17 May 2007 02:51:26 GMT

as i get closer to moving i keep realizing more and more that all of my chances of survival in south jersey are withering away, with friends and keeping up with my family. im such a lamo
i keep having dreams about bullshit like sitting in a chair watching everyone go on with their lives and im not doing anything about it because i cant. all i can do is sit back with no expression letting people mock me and go on with their lives

crap. im sorry everyone. who is only one person

i know you read this dad. and i just want to apoligize for just going about this change without really consulting with you first. i wish i had more time to stay with you and talk about all this. even more so i want to apoligize for all the shit that youll have to deal with by yourself when im gone. listening to mom and erin talk about moms happiness being dependant on medication tonight made me want to just jump on erin and strangle her to death. i hate to leave you stranded but ill always be here to talk.

today

Mon, 19 Feb 2007 07:59:44 GMT

was absolutely positively wonderful . i have quite the battle wound. maybe ill show you if youre lucky. kevin might have some too. not really sure however because he doesnt complain nearly as much as i do. but uh yeah sleepy haha's and highways are a pretty bad mix, trains too. they suck. im so fucking tired i dont even know what im talking about.

anyway.. it took us 3 hours to make a trip that should have taken 1 hour and 49 minutes because im a douch and didnt print out directions to get home. we ended up in some shady shit. thanks for not killing us, black people of camden.

kevin and i are failed the mapquest test but we are still alive.

ok, sleeeep.

lamelamelamelamelamelamelamelamlelamelamelamealamelamelamealmela

Sun, 28 Jan 2007 01:49:07 GMT

LAME.

anyway im bored and i wanna go out bitches

someone call meeee

Sun, 07 Jan 2007 21:18:03 GMT

1. Who was the first person u talked to in 07? kevin

2. The first person you hugged? kevin

3. The first person you called? i called my pops-happy bdayyy

4. The first person you texted? um?

5. The first drink you drank? coffee with sugar no cream

6. The first person that called you? suruh

7. The first person that texted you? i dont know

8. Have you talked to all of your top 8 yet? i dont really rmm whos in my top 8

9. Any of them? yeah

10. Who was the 1st person to hang up on you? my momz?

11. What was the first thing you watched on TV? garfield 2!

12.Who was the first person you thought of? kevinn

13. What was the first thing you ate? chocolatee?

14. What were you wearing at midnight? um clothes..i think

15. First Kiss ? k moneyy

16. First fight? none

17. First Laugh? i declare this a dumb question

18. First person to say 'i love you' : kevin

it is too late for new years posts i apoligize

Mon, 01 Jan 2007 17:17:53 GMT

cell phone bullshit =over and solved. i could care less who stole but i am glad it was given back.

so yeah happy new year everyone this was the best one ever. im happy i was home and and even happier kevin waqs here
ps i smoked with my daddddd!
and it is also his bdayyy

i keep waitin for a change but i dont know what

Sat, 04 Nov 2006 05:37:35 GMT

i need something new wether it be a new friend a new place a new lifestyle. im so bored with myself its almost depressing. but i dont like depressing so it isnt really. i dont really go out anymore. or do anything, i want something new anything at all

its kind of scary that i need a change so badly. will i always be like this? im never goingt o be happy with myself im sure of that.. but will i really need to move away or find new people every year or so? i wouldnt want to do that to myself. like this whole senior year crap. i would love to go to that highshool in St. J for my senior year. its amazing. its like fucking hogwartz!! but do i actually want to keep separating myself from people

im annoying

Sun, 29 Oct 2006 05:24:19 GMT

blahh

i wasnt phased becuase i didnt like you i liked her.. i dont even really know you
sam hicks: well im sorry for being a creep

so much for trying

Wed, 25 Oct 2006 00:37:20 GMT

i have so far skipped 2 captains practices. i hope noone cares because if they do ill shoot them something is clawing at my uterus from the inside and i donot know what it is so deal bitches.

on a different note. my life is pretty much going really fast. i dont know if ill be here senior year or not... i cant decide if thats a good or bad thing just yet. it could be alright. 23dollahs per credit v. staying in new jersey one more year. hmmm

Fri, 20 Oct 2006 23:44:26 GMT

sneezze. psaats in the moorning and then sweeeet azzzzz nb battle.

happy birthday kevin peachpie

Sat, 14 Oct 2006 17:13:18 GMT

whats this bullshit about nobody wanting to harvest fest with me. i hate weekends anymore.

hahahh slepppy

Tue, 22 Aug 2006 04:51:55 GMT

im toasty and sleppy. rawr.

Mon, 07 Aug 2006 00:01:08 GMT

my birthday is on wednesday i will be 16 and thats pretty sweet. i just ate a cupcake and i sort of want to die. im going to california on thursday until the 16th and then a couple days later going to vermont for a week so this is pretty much the end of summer for me so in case anybody wants to throw me a 'birthday/going away for a couple weeks' party that would be super generous.

as for my birthday present i want a boy... or a kitten.

oh yeah yeah yeah and i slept out last night for the first time alll summer so i think im not on anymore punishment restrictions. so yeah good day

Thu, 29 Jun 2006 16:28:17 GMT

i got hit in the face with a shoe lat night. i now have a larde bump on my forehead. sandals are bad news.

otherwise last night was the best night of summer so far.

i dont knowwwwwww

Fri, 23 Jun 2006 03:33:52 GMT

why are you doing this again??/
you knw i cant deal. and it wasnt my fault i swear.

so my no more drinking thing is done. a little bit anyway. here and there and only litte bits. but drunk ex bofos are hard to deal with especially whne hickeys are spoken of. and iven shittttt

Tue, 20 Jun 2006 04:41:32 GMT

wooot 11 curfew.

Wed, 07 Jun 2006 23:26:07 GMT

June 7, 2006: Anytime you begin a new route on this road of life, you need to lighten your load. With less on your mind (and in your heart), you'll be able to move a lot faster -- and reach your goal a lot more quickly. Let go of old misconceptions and assumptions. It's only fair that things should start with a clean slate. Changes in a relationship will initially feel uncomfortable, but that is to be expected, so don't let it scare you of. This is a very exciting phase in your life

its hard for me to remember a point in my life where i wasnt in love. lets make it happen. no more obsessed or dependant.

all the women who independant throw yall hands up at mayy!